Never Burn Bridges (Or, God Works it Out)

Last spring, I met a woman and discussed being a nanny for her family during the summer months. We talked off and on for a while and two weeks before I was supposed to start working, she emailed me and said that although she wasn't planning on hiring someone else, she met someone who she thought would be a better fit for the job. I was so disappointed and started my email reply several times, but the irritation was always too evident so I would delete and start again. This happened over and over and finally I decided that not responding at all would be better. I don't like the idea of "burning bridges" and thought it was silly to be so upset since I didn't have an offer in writing or anything like that.

Well, fast forward to this morning. I got an email from the woman explaining that she realizes she made a mistake by not hiring me. The person that she hired instead didn't work out quite like she thought it would, so she wants to get an earlier start this time and asked if I would like to nanny for her this summer and babysit occasionally until then. How cool is that? I know it's months away, so it might not work out as I plan, but just knowing that I made the right choice by keeping my mouth shut feels great. It's true what the Bible says in Proverbs 10:19. "When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise." That's usually not the path I take, but I definitely recommend it.

The Waiting Game

I feel like my life has been spent waiting on other people for a long time now. Waiting to hear back from a job, waiting on someone to provide some real support instead of the usual "be warmed and fed" kind, waiting on an unemployment check, waiting to find out what God has planned for me, waiting to find out if someone thinks my time has any value, waiting to finish school, waiting for my phone to ring, waiting, waiting, waiting...

I don't want to have a "Debbie Downer" blog, so I've been trying to keep it as positive as I can, but ya know what? I'm tired of waiting. I just want to put that out there. I am ready for something in my life to change and yet I feel 100% completely powerless to change it. I am at a loss. I have no idea what to do - I've applied for every job I thought I was capable to do, and plenty of jobs that I'm not. Either way, you can see the success rate of actually getting those jobs. I applied at a fast food restaurant the other day and when I gave the manager my application, he did one of those, "I'll look this over and give you a call" things with the tone of voice that told me he would not be calling me. What is the deal? So, now I'm just waiting on an answer. Don't know who it will be from or what the answer will be, but I'm ready for it.

There's no crying in baseball!

As you (all four of my readers) already know, I have been looking for a job for a couple months now. Yesterday I had an interview with the only company who has been interested thus far. I did a lot of praying beforehand, but I purposefully didn't practice or recite answers to common questions because I wanted to just be real, raw and... well... me! It sounded like a good idea at the time, and looking back, I'm undecided on the verdict.

I got dressed and ready that morning for my 10:30 interview. It was the perfect interview time because I could relax as I got ready and not feel rushed and overwhelmed. So, I took it easy. I got to the building just a few minutes before my interview time and made my way upstairs. Did all the normal stuff, talked to the receptionist, signed in, etc. The recruiting coordinator came out to meet me since we had talked on the phone several times. She took me to a conference room and we chatted for several minutes... I met a few more of the HR team and everyone was just so excited to meet me! It really made me feel good. Three women on the HR team were the ones to interview me, including the HR Director. Everything was really going great... I was just being myself and honest and everything. One of the ladies asked me what I would do in a particular situation where someone might get mad at me and approach me about it in a really mean way. I said, "Well, I think it depends on the situation... do I need to find out what they're talking about? do I already know the problem?" She said, "Let's assume that you made a mistake and it was your fault. They are mad at you about it." So, I thought for a few seconds and said, "Well, first, I would probably cry." They all laughed for a minute, and then I continued, "I'm serious, I'm a crier. I wouldn't do it in front of that person, but I would go collect myself in the restroom. But to answer your question, I'm a talk-it-out person. I'm not one to get hot-headed, if that's what you were asking." She seemed pleased with that answer, but it led into a humorous conversation about who in the room are criers and who aren't.

Almost immediately after that question, the HR Director asked me why I left my job at the law firm. Without giving you the War and Peace length version of that story, let's just say that between going through a divorce and dealing with a stalker, I was a very distracted employee at the law firm, and that caused a rift between me and one of my bosses. She was not the type to want to know why I wasn't meeting her expectations, just that I wasn't meeting them, so we had a meeting where "we" decided that I would look for another job. So, that is why I left the law firm... but since I hadn't practiced any answers, I had about 3 seconds to think of how to answer that question. As I'm sure you know, there are certain things that you simply do not talk about at an interview, one being marital status. But I felt like I needed to be COMPLETELY open and honest with them, so I said, "To answer that question, I need to get a little personal." I had no sooner said the word personal, when my eyes started welling up with tears... and there was nothing. I. could. do. My voice was shaking all over the place and I gave the explanation a bit more thoroughly than I did in this post. One tear fell. I was mortified, and tried to help the moment by saying, "See? I told you I was a crier!"... they smiled and kept reassuring me that it was fine, but at that point, I was tearing up because I was so embarrassed that I was crying in an interview, not because of anything I said.

One of the girls (not a crier, by the way), got up to look for a tissue for me. I laughed and asked her please not to, because I think that would make the situation even more embarrassing. I did not want them to acknowledge that I had produced tears in an interview! Everyone was so great, though. The director asked me a for more questions about my job at the law firm and what I had learned from that experience, and then they changed the subject. Everything went smoothly before and after that... and honestly, even during the moment it was okay. I was mortified, but I said what I needed to say and they all said that they really appreciated me being honest with them about it.

The non-crier gave me a tour of the office after my interview and as I was leaving, I told her again that I was very embarrassed about my waterworks. She told me that me being honest really meant a lot because she knows that people lie in interviews all the time so they really appreciated me telling them what happened.

So, now we wait. The director told me that they would make a decision by the first few days of June. I hope my waterworks, or the story that prompted them, didn't ruin the interview!