I feel like my life has been spent waiting on other people for a long time now. Waiting to hear back from a job, waiting on someone to provide some real support instead of the usual "be warmed and fed" kind, waiting on an unemployment check, waiting to find out what God has planned for me, waiting to find out if someone thinks my time has any value, waiting to finish school, waiting for my phone to ring, waiting, waiting, waiting...
I don't want to have a "Debbie Downer" blog, so I've been trying to keep it as positive as I can, but ya know what? I'm tired of waiting. I just want to put that out there. I am ready for something in my life to change and yet I feel 100% completely powerless to change it. I am at a loss. I have no idea what to do - I've applied for every job I thought I was capable to do, and plenty of jobs that I'm not. Either way, you can see the success rate of actually getting those jobs. I applied at a fast food restaurant the other day and when I gave the manager my application, he did one of those, "I'll look this over and give you a call" things with the tone of voice that told me he would not be calling me. What is the deal? So, now I'm just waiting on an answer. Don't know who it will be from or what the answer will be, but I'm ready for it.
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Love you friend. Been right where you were. Had many a meltdown b/c I just wanted to know SOMETHING. Assurance, promise, something I could hope in or expect or something. To be honest, we felt abandoned by most people around us - sure we could deal with finances but we had no clue how to deal with the lay-off on an emotional level. The fear, doubt, waning patience. The good news is that we (individually and together) have never grown more than in that span of time. The truth, though it may be hard to accept, is that this is the plan. God has allowed this because it is according to His will. If you ever want to talk, give me a call.
ReplyDeleteThanks girl... For the most part, I know that... for the past year I feel like I've done okay, in general... but not knowing how I'm going to pay the mortgage due in 5 days, not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, etc... it's just realllly getting to me. I know God's hand is in it, but right now I just have NO idea what I'm supposed to do. It's all money issues, really. I feel like I'm on the path I'm supposed to be on otherwise. Blah... This too shall pass, right? :)
ReplyDeleteRight. Moments, seasons, experiences, are really over in a heart beat. This one just happens to be one you'd rather not remember so it feels longer. Anything we can do to help? Let me know.
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